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BtVS Seasons Two - Three

Season Two

[Lover's Walk]

  • Spike: "Home, sweet home."

  • Spike: "You were there? Oh, please! If every vampire who said he was at the crucifixion was actually there, it would have been like Woodstock. I was actually at Woodstock. That was a weird gig. I fed off a flowerperson, and I spent the next six hours watchin' my hand move."

  • Spike: "Who do you kill for fun around here?"

  • Spike: "Now. Any of you want to test who's got the biggest wrinklies 'round here... step on up. I'll do your Slayer for you. But you keep your flunkies from tryin' anything behind my back. Deal?"

  • Spike: "Where's the phone? I need to call the police. There's some big guy out there trying to bite somebody."

  • Spike: "I'm a veal kind of guy. You're too old to eat. But not to kill."

  • Spike: "Slaaayer! Here, kitty, kittyyy. I find one of your friends first, I'm gonna suck 'em dry. And use their bones to bash your head in."

  • Spike: "People still fall for that Anne Rice routine."

  • Spike: "Don't be silly! We're old friends. We'll do it together. Let's drink to it."

  • Buffy: "Do we really need weapons for this?

Spike: I just like them. They make me feel all manly."

  • Spike: "I've messed up your doilies and stuff. But I just got so bored."

  • Spike: "I, uh... I offer penance."

  • Spike: "From now on, we're gonna' have a little less ritual...and a little more fun around here!"


  • Spike: "Well this is just...neat."

[Lie To Me]

  • Drusilla: I'll give you a seed if you sing.

Spike: The bird's dead, Dru. You left it in a cage, and you didn't feed it, and now it's all dead, just like the last one.

  • Spike: Yeah, I know who I am, too. So what?

    Ford: I came looking for you, Spike.

    Spike: You've got a real death wish. It's almost interesting.

  • Spike: "You've got 30 seconds to convince me not to kill you."

  • Spike: "I've known you for two minutes, and I can't stand you. I don't really feature you livin' forever. Can I eat him now, love?"

  • Spike: "Uh, where's the doorknob?"

[What's My Line Part One]

  • Spike: "Come on, now. Enlighten me."
  • Spike: "By George I think he's got it."

[What's My Line Part Two]

  • Spike: "Talk and I'll have your guts for garters."

  • Spike: "I'm thinkin' maybe dinner and a movie. I don't want to rush into anything. I've been hurt, you know."


  • Spike: "It's interesting to me that preparing looks a great bit like sitting on your ass. When do we destroy the world already?"

  • Spike: "I know you haven't been in the game for a while, mate, but we still do kill people. Sort of our raison d'etre you know."

[Bewitched, Bothered, and Bewildered]


  • Spike: "Uh uh. No fair going in the ring unless he tags you first."
  • Spike: "Are you insane? You're supposed to kill the bitch, not leave gag gifts in the friend's bed."

[I Only Have Eyes For You]

  • Spike: "It's paradise. Big windows, lovely gardens. It'll be perfect when we want the sunlight to kill us."
  • Spike: "Our man Angel here likes to talk, but he's not much for action. All hat and no cat."

[Becomming Part One]

  • Spike: "It's a big rock. I can't wait to tell my friends. They don't have a rock this big."
  • Spike: "Someone wasn't worthy...."

[Becomming Part Two]

  • Spike: "We like to talk big, vampires do. "I'm going to destroy the world" - it's just tough guy talk. Strutting around with your friends over a pint of blood. The truth is I like this world. You've got dog racing, Manchester United... and you've got people. Billions of people walking around like happy meals with legs. It's all right here. But then someone comes along with a vision. With a real... passion for destruction. Angel could pull it off. Goodbye, Picadilly. Farewell, Leicester Bloody Square. You know what I'm saying?"
  • Spike: "I don't want to hurt you baby...Doesn't mean I won't."

Season 3

[Lover's Walk]

  • Spike: (singing): ... I planned each charted course, each careful step along the highway... and more, much more than this... I did it my way!
  • Spike: "You threatening me? That's not nice. We're all gonna be very best friends."
  • Spike: "Mmm. That smell... Your neck... I haven't had a woman in weeks."

Willow: "Whoa! No! Hold it!"

Spike: "Well, unless you count that shopkeeper."

Willow: "Now, now, hold on! I-I'll do your spell for you, and, and, and I'll get you Drusilla back, but, but there will be no bottle-in-face, and there will be no 'having' of any kind with me. Alright?"

Spike: "Alright. Get started."

  • Spike: "You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love till it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other till it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children, it's blood... blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it."
  • Spike: "Hmm! Eye of rat."
  • Spike: "Baby like his supper, baby like his supper. Why doesn't baby have a nap."

BtVS Season Four

[Harsh Light of Day]

  • Spike: "Actually, how we met... it's a funny story really."

  • Harmony: "Is Antonio Banderas a vampire?"

    Spike: "No.

    Harmony: Can I make him a vampire?"

    Spike: "No. Wait, on second thought.. yeah, go do that. Take your time. Do Melanie and the kids as well."

  • Spike: "What does it take to get you to shut the hell up?!"

  • Spike: "I love syphilis more than you."

  • Spike: "Ain't that a fantastic day. Birds singin', squirrels making lots of rotten little squirrels, sun beamin' down in a nice non-fatal way. It's very exciting. Can't wait to see if I freckle."

  • Spike: "Oh, do it again. It tickles. You know, in a good way."

[The Initiatve]

  • Spike: "It's me, baby. Your man is back."


  • Spike: "I'm saying that Spike had a little trip to the vet and now he doesn't chase the other puppies anymore. I can't bite anything. I can't even hit people."
  • Spike: "I just can't take all this namby-pamby boo-hooing about the bloody indians."
  • Spike: "You won. All right? You came in and you killed them and you took their land. That's what conquering nations do. It's what caesar did, and he's not going around saying, "I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it." The history of the world is not people making friends. You had better weapons, and you massacred them. End of story."

[Something Blue]

  • Spike: "Just say yes, and make me the happiest man on earth."

  • Buffy: "There's so much to decide. Ceremony, guests, reception.."

Spike: "Well, first thing I'd say, we're not having a church wedding."

Buffy: "How about a daytime ceremony. In the park."

Spike: "Fabulous. Enjoy your honeymoon with the big pile of dust."

Buffy: "Under the trees. Indirect sunlight only."

Spike: "Warm spring breeze tosses the leaves aside, and again ... you're registering as Mr and Mrs Big-Pile-of-Dust."

Buffy: "Stop it! This is our wedding and you're treating it like a big joke!"

Spike: "Oh, pouty! Look at that lip... gonna get it... gonna get it.."

  • Spike: "This is the crack team that foils my every plan? I am deeply shamed."

  • Spike: "Don't I get a cookie?"


  • Spike: "We're out of wheetabix."

Giles: "We are out of wheetabix because you ate it all- again."

Spike: "Get some more."

Giles: "I thought vampires were supposed to eat blood."

Spike: "Yep. Well sometimes I like to crumble up the wheetabix in the blood- give it a little texture."

Giles: "Since the picture you just painted means I will never touch food

of any kind again you'll just have to pick it up yourself."

Spike: "Sissy."


  • Spike: "Sodden sleeping chair is bloody - sodden."
  • Spike: "I shrunk them. Bleeding shirt... trousers.... I hate this place."
  • Spike: "You want me to tear this place apart, you bloody poof?"
  • Spike: "I just don't want pity from geeks more useless than I am."
  • Spike: "That's right! I'm back, and I'm a bloody animal! Yeah!"
  • Spike: "What's this? Sitting around watching the telly while there's evil still a foot. That's not very industrious of you. I say we go out there and kick a little demon ass! What, can't go without your Buffy, is that it? Too chicken? Let's find her! She is the Chosen One after all. - Come on! Vampires! Grrr! Nasty! Let's annihilate them. For justice - and for - the safety of puppies - and Christmas, right? Let's fight that evil! - Let's kill something! Oh, come on!

[A New Man]

  • Spike: "And you're what? Shocked and disappointed? I'm evil!"

BtVS Season Five

  • Spike: "They've got chicken wings too. Also a sort of a flower-shaped thing they make from an onion. Brilliant."

[Blood Ties]

  • Spike: "I thought you said this skank was tough?"

[The Gift]

  • Spike: "I know you'll never love me. I know that I'm a monster. But you treat me like a man, and that's... Get your stuff. I'll be here."
  • Spike: "I made a promise to a lady."

BtVS Season Six

[Bargaining Part One]
  • Spike: "She wanted to go out and look for you again, but I figured there are enough things in Sunnydale that go bump in the night."
[Bargaining Part Two]
  • Spike: "Couple of stakes, holy water, one cross - ow! Brilliant."
  • Spike: "The thing about magic - there's always consequences. Always."
  • Spike: "I do remember what I said. The promise. To protect her. If I'd done that - even if I didn't make it - you wouldn't have had to jump. But I want you to know, I did save you. Not when it counted of course but... after that. Every night I've done that. I'd see it all again, and do something different. Faster, more clever, you know. Dozens of times, lots of different ways. Every night I save you."

[Dead Things]

  • Buffy: "Uh ... we missed the bed again."

Spike: "Lucky for the bed."

Buffy: "Is this a new rug?"

Spike: "Mm...no. Just looks different when you're under it."

Buffy: "You know, this place is okay for a hole in the ground. You fixed it up."

Spike: "Well, I ate a decorator once. Maybe something stuck."

Buffy: "I've been thinking about doing something to my room."

Spike: "Yeah?"

Buffy: "Yeah, I think the New Kids On The Block posters are starting to date me."

Spike: "Well, if you want, I can..."

  • Spike: "It's all right, luv. Shh, it's all right. It'll be our little secret."
  • Spike: "No ... don't close your eyes. Look at them. That's not your world. You belong in the shadows... with me. Look at your friends ...and tell me ...you don't love getting away with this right under their noses."
  • Spike: "Come on, that's it, put it on me. Put it all on me. That's my girl."

[As You Were]

  • Spike: "Look, crew cut. She's not your bint any more. And if I can speak frankly, she always had a little thing for me, even when she was shagging you."
  • Spike: "Well, looky here. I don't usually use the word delicious, but I've gotta wager this little tableau must sting a bit, eh? Me and your former? Must kill. What can I say? Girl just needs a little monster in her man."
  • Spike: "Oh, this is ... unconstitutional, is what it is! Here! There's nothin to see down there!"

AtS Season One

[In The Dark]
  • Spike: "'How can I thank you, you mysterious black-clad hunk of a night-thing.' 'No need, little lady. Your tears of gratitude are enough for me. You see, I was once a bad-ass vampire. But love and a pesky curse defanged me and now I'm just a big fluffy puppy with bad teeth. No, not the hair. Never the hair.' 'But there must be some way I can show my appreciation.' 'No. Helping those in need is my job and working up a load of sexual tension and prancing away like a magnificent poof is truly thanks enough.' 'I understand, I have a nephew who's gay.' 'Say no more, evil's still afoot and I'm almost out of that nancy-boy hairgel I like so much. Quickly! To the Angel-mobile. Away!'"
  • Spike: "To coin a popular Sunnydale phrase: "Duh!"
  • Spike: "And suddenly I'm so painfully bored."
  • Spike: "Look out! Here comes Spike!"

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